From browsing through the Star Classifieds today, I noticed the vacancy for the position of General Secretary of your organization. I hereby offer my expertise as a couch potato every Satuday night and passion for the game of football as my main criteria for this position. If given the chance for the role of General Secretaty of FAM, I will take drastic action and implement long-term strategies for the good of Malaysian football. Immediate action that will be carried out upon my appointment are as follows:
1. The recruitment of at least 8 foreign footballers with minimum 5 years Champions League and 1 World Cup playing experience into the Malaysian team. They will be offered a whole lump of cash and Malaysian citizenship too.
Of course, this step is taken for immediate results to shut up and please the perfectionists that are the media and the Malaysian football fans in particular. For long-term benefits and improvement in local players, the following action will be taken:
1. The Malaysian senior football team will be registered to play in Conference League football and will be expected to gain promotion every season until they reach the Premiership. Failure to gain promotion in a season will result in players playing for free under the new Food-For-Football program.
2. Football matches in the local league will be played 60 minutes per half instead of the usual 45. This is so that Malaysian players can last longer, if not at least 45 minutes in an international match.
3. Annual friendly matches will also be held for the Malaysian senior team against every Brazillian age group teams, starting from the Under-12s. Only a win qualifies the team to progress against the next higher age group until they reach the Brazilian senior side, by the time of which I think I will already be the President.
4. Short stints with big teams such as Bayern Munich and Manchester United will be stopped immediately and instead, potential players will be sent to war-torn Iraq and North Korea where the quality of football there is a hundred times better than ours.
5. To increase competetiveness and passion in the local leagues, local rivalries between clubs will be instilled and other sort of abuses will also be supported. Players who fail to perform to their expectations will be hounded by the Press and fans alike. Death threats will also be considered.
6. Malaysia will bid to host all international tournaments which includes the World Cup, Champions League Final, FA Cup Final, African Nations Cup, Asia Cup and the European Championship so that we qualify automatically for these tournaments on the grounds of being the host.
These are just some of the actions that will be taken should FAM choose to recruit me. I would also like to add my list of related experience here to assist you in making your decision:
* Champions League, UEFA Cup, Spanish League, Spanish Cup, Serie A winner with Barcelona and Inter Milan as Manager in Championship Manager 3 Season 01/02
* Vast playing experience every afternoon in Kolej Kelima and Padang Memanah UM and also some weekly futsal games around the PJ area.
* Regular visitor to Soccernet.
* Owner of numerous official replica kits which ranges from Celtic to Newcastle, including the original replica of the England shorts worn in 93/94.
* First watched a local Semi-Pro league match 'live' in Padang MPS at 11 years old.
* Vast experience in watching the Malaysian football team get whipped by the likes of Arsenal, Brazil and even Indonesia.
With a CV such as the one above, I do not think that it will be a hard decision to accept me as the next General Secretary of FAM. As an added advantage, I will also try hard not to gawk and ask for autographs when rubbing shoulders with the likes of Pele, Johan Cryuff, Franz Beckenbauer and everyone at FIFA. I sincerely hope you consider my application for the good of Malaysian (and not to mention my pocket) football. I can be contacted at the e-mail given here and I look forward to the good news ahead.
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