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Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Armitage Shanks

i'm gonna get down and dirty today. let's talk toilet business, coz there ain't no business like the toilet business. (or is that show business?) whatever it is, i think most of us are already familiar with the helpless state our public toilets are in. yes, haven't we all had our fair share of experience with the 'hole-of-death', the 'lubang keramat', the smell and the colour...i don't need to get really graphical, u get the idea.
i want to highlight something i find really irritating in some public toilets. and no, i'm not talking about the guy who pisses all over the place EXCEPT the toilet bowl itself and the guy who has this strange fear of flushing the toilet. we've all heard about this...even the mat salleh understands our toilet manners. check the letters to the editor section if u don't believe me.
i wanna talk about how pissed off i am (pardon the pun) when i go to the toilet in malaysia only to find out that it doesn't have a water pipe. u know...the thingy with the rubber hose or sometimes, just with the baldi and gayung. funny thing is...these toilets-without-water-pipes are found not in the outer reaches of Bahau, but in so-called modern buildings such as KLCC, Mid-Valley Megamall and somewhere i just found out last weekend...Alamanda Putrajaya. as a Muslim, i know it's okay to wipe your ass with toilet paper, but u know lah...without water, it's like this funny feeling. it just doesn't feel good. like something's missing, sorta like sex without the foreplay, but who am i to talk about sex, eh? ngarut dah ni....
anyways, to add insult...some places don't even have toilet paper, which leaves u in a f***ed up mess after u've done the business. i'll be honest and just point out the place..MidValley. Tolong la jangan berak kat sini, unless u've got your own supply of tissue paper. some of u may be thinking...hmmm..macam ada pengalaman je. actually, i almost had. masa tu perut aku macam dah nak pecah dah, and just before i pressed the Eject button...i realized that there was no pipe and no toilet paper. argggggghhhhhhhhhhh.....Abort Mission, Abort Mission....
and what happened next in finding the suitable toilet was an adventure itself. let's just say that Jaya Jusco literally saved my ass. hehehe...
i mean...what's wrong in having a water pipe? don't tell me u're saving tons of loads of money by not having one. for me..i find urinals kinda dirty, therefore i even piss in the toilet. and because there's no water, the floor is kinda dry. and u know how malaysians really suck in targeting the toilet bowl. so u get a floor dried with piss. the smell? priceless.....
yang tak tahan tu....it's in the places where the sink is automatic, the toilet flushes by itself and other so-called smart ideas. yeahhh...i'm in the most super-ultra-modern toilet this side of the world. but i just can't get a decent cebok. call me kampung, but for me water is hygenic. this is malaysia, for goodness sake. it's in our culture. so maybe the mat salleh just wipes their ass. so when they do it, it's okay laa? that's just pathetic. i guess in a way, we're just like our public toilets........full of shit.

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